A Bad Hair Day
by Pink Squishy Llama
Summary: What happens when Alanna, Jon, Raoul and Gary have hair problems, and even a face drawn on? This story shall reveal...
1. Chapter 1

Note: This is going to be…strange. Don't say I didn't warn you! Uhm, I think Alanna is still a squire. Anyway, I'll write and see what happens! This is a totally random one as I am bored out of my mind. If only I could make it March 10th, sigh… anyway!

Disclaimer: I own no one. Yet anyway.

A Bad Hair Day 

**Chapter 1**

Alanna woke up, stretched and got up as usual. She dressed as usual, and looked in the mirror as usual. Except this morning, when she saw her reflection she screamed. Luckily everyone was still asleep and didn't hear her. She closed her eyes tightly, counted to five and looked back at the mirror. It was no use; her hair was still in a giant fuzzy knot above her head. She groaned and knocked on Jon's door.

"Jon, are you awake? If you are, get in here now, if you aren't, get your lazy royal behind out of bed!" she shouted at the door. There was no noise. She forced the door open and walked in. He wasn't there. "Come out Jon, I know your in here," she called, sneaking around the room. A whimper came from the bathroom.

"Go away," he called.

"No! This is an emergency Jonathan of Conte!" Jon groaned and opened the door to the privy. Alanna raised her eyebrows. Jon's hair was…wait, his hair was purple! "Great Mother Goddess! What happened to your hair?" she asked.

"I could ask the same of you."

"This is _different_. _I_ didn't dye my hair purple, it just knotted!" Alanna retorted haughtily.

"Hmph. I didn't dye it!" Jon replied.

"Whatever. Maybe Raoul can help us," Alanna suggested. Jon nodded and followed her out of the door.

When they arrived at Raoul's room, they were answered by several grunts and "nuh-uh!"-s. When he finally opened the door Alanna gasped. Someone had drawn glasses and a moustache on his face in ink. Alanna stifled a laugh under her hand.

"Gary?" Raoul suggested. They had to agree, as it was their only option left. However, inside Gary's rooms their friend was stricken as badly as they were. His hair was sticking up with bright green streaks in it. None of them could actually remember what had happened the night before, but in Jon, Raoul and Gary's cases it seemed as though it would have a lot to do with their predicament. They set off to find Myles and see if he could help at all.

And so the bad hair day begins! If you care, read on! Next chapter up today sometime…probably within the half hour. Look out for me!


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Here's the next chapter. No disclaimer, I'm sick of them.

This story is dedicated to my Nan, as this morning she had her very own bad hair day and probably subconsciously inspired this story!

**Chapter 2**

They stared at Myles. "You're…absolutely sure?" Jon asked. Myles nodded. Suddenly a man burst into the room.

"Rabbit-catcher at your service," he told them, bowing. Alanna frowned.

"What?" she asked.

"Uh, well, Myles told me you were having a bad hare day, so I told I'd help you. So, where are these hares?"

"Uh, on my head. Not _that_ type of hare. Honestly," Alanna muttered. The rabbit-catcher bowed and left the room.

"So, what you're trying to say is…" Jon began.

"Yes. Raoul, yourself and Gary got extremely, ah, drunk last night. Alan was in his room, doing…Uh, what were you doing?"

"Playing with Faithful," she answered, rather than tell him she'd been with George.

"Right. Well, Alan was in his room playing with Faithful. You, Jon, drew that moustache on Raoul," Myles explained. Jon grinned mischievously. "And Gary dyed your hair. Then Raoul dyed Gary's hair, while Alan was…"

"…Sleeping," Alanna finished quickly.

"Right, sleeping. Then you all went back to your rooms," Myles finished.

"Oh," said Jon.

"Oh," said Raoul.

"Oh," said Gary.

"Then what happened to my hair? And how do you know all this?" Alanna asked, narrowing her eyes at her teacher suspiciously.

"You must have slept funny. And I'm clever. Now you know, you can go away," Myles told them all, more telling them to get out rather than subtly hinting, and pushed them outside.

"Now what?" Jon asked.

"The hairdressers," Raoul and Gary said in unison, looking at Alanna, who groaned.

"Oh, wonderful," she said as she was dragged away.

_More soon, maybe tomorrow! Review, I need to know what people think! And if you're reading or not! Oh, and I just love reading them! Ciao guys!_


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Thanks to any reviewers, I just had to play with an overly hyper two-year-old for the past 3 hours .How fun. Anyway, hope you like it, the pink hair if for Aly the Spy! Oh, and my ma (TP got me writing like that) told me earlier that I looked a bit like Daine when she saw the book cover. Don't ask. Sure, I've put my hair into two plaits. So what? Even if my eyes are blue grey and my hair's brown…

Chapter 3 

They dragged Alanna kicking, cursing and screaming down the hall. A strong wind blew through the palace as a woman walked past, covering her head. When she saw Jon she stopped to shout at him.

"Delia?" he asked. The woman nodded and slapped him. "What was that for?"

"This," she hissed, removing her hood. Everyone but Delia burst out laughing. Lady Delia's hair was bright pink. "Think it's funny do you? Because you all look so much worse than me!" she shouted triumphantly and walked away, pulling her hood back over her hair.

"What did I do?" Jon asked.

"By the looks of it, I'd say you dyed her hair," Alanna told him truthfully, and burst out laughing again. Jon glared at her.

"Oh well. I didn't like her anyway," he said.

"Oh really?" Raoul asked sweetly. "Because you seemed so…"

"Be quiet Raoul! Come on, let's go," Jon told them, and began dragging them all away.

What for Alanna seemed like years later, the hairdresser had untangled the knot at the back of her head, not without lots of cursing of course. She was able to wash the dye out of Jon's hair and flatten Gary's. However, she could do nothing for Raoul's face or Gary's permanent green highlights. With a sigh they went off to find someone who could remove the ink.

Gary ran from the room screaming.

"You aren't touching my hair, Alan!"

"Oh yes I am," Alanna told him calmly, chasing after him. Gary shook his head. Alanna nodded and grabbed him.

"Help me! Jon, Raoul, someone, ANYONE?" Gary shouted. Raoul and Jon sniggered as Alanna advanced on him.

"No, please no!" he begged. Alanna ignored him, and continued.

Gary groaned, putting his hand to his head.

"My hair, my wonderful hair!" he said mournfully. Alanna had finished with him, and he had no hair left at all. Jon, Alanna and Raoul were still laughing as Gary walked slowly from the room, muttering about his precious hair.

"Now, what to do about your face, Raoul?" Jon asked.

"Uh, I think I should try removing it with my Gift," Alanna suggested, winking at Jon.

"No! Please, uh, I think someone else might be able to do it another way!" Raoul begged.

"Alright. But if we don't find someone by next meal…" Alanna threatened. Raoul was already half out of the door.

"What are we waiting for?" Raoul asked. "Let's go!"

That's chapter three. This won't be much longer, one or two chapters. Now review me!

_Smile fo me daddy…. Sorry! Grillz is on TV. Well, bye!_

_Got 30 down at the bottom 30 more at the top, all invisible set in little ice cube blocks…_


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Ugh, was forced to go clothes shopping with my mum. How fun, oh joy! Oh well, at least I LIKE he clothes this time. Got one of my 7-month-old kittens asleep in my lap, he's so cute! Remember, I'm a llama? You'll see the significance of that reminder later! Just got in from school, tired, hungry, but I'll force myself to write, if not only for you!  Oh, and before I forget, there's been a change of plan length-wise. This will be a few more chapters, less than ten though. Probably only two or three more.

Chapter 4 

Jon, Alanna Raoul and Gary were heading down the path in the forest when a great, glowing apparition appeared in front of them. They shielded their eyes and dropped to their knees.

"Great Llama Goddess!" Jon whispered as the glimmering pink dispersed into fluffy clouds around the deity.

_I nodded. Raoul still looked unsure. _

"_Aren't you meant to be a llama then?" he asked narrowing his eyes at me and frowning._

"_No matter what you mortals say, I still look like a human!" I protested. "Never mind, no time for that. I have come to help you on your quest to get that ink off your face, and the green out of Gary's hair. Though I must say, that moustache is very becoming on you, Raoul…" Raoul blushed slightly. _

"_I'd sooner have a real one, though," he told me shyly. I nodded again. _

"_And that green brings out your eyes, Gary," I told him. He shook his head._

"_If my father found out, he would kill me! Besides, it looks silly." _

"_Whatever," I said, waving my hand in the air. "You must find the Llama Grail, and use the Magic Scrubby-Bubbles TM on your hair, or face. Now go! You do not have long before someone sees you! It will be a short journey, and really quite easy. We may meet again someday, but until then, ciao mortals! I must see to my llama minions. Off with you!" I disappeared in a cloud of smoke. _

"Isn't she amazing! She's my new favourite deity!" Raoul told them all excitedly.

"I heard that!" All the gods shouted down. One was thoughtful enough to inform him: "Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries! Well, now anyway!"

Raoul gulped.

"We'd better go," Jon said.

"Do we have to?" Alanna whined.

"Yes! And as they always say…" Jon told her. They all walked off to rounds of 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life".

And so the adventure begins (again!)!

Disclaimer: I don't own the song OR the elderberries and hamster quote. If you thought I did you clearly haven't watched Monty Python enough!


	5. Chapter 5

Note: I might as well get this out of the way while I'm still hyper enough to do it. I've been meaning to, but haven't quite found the energy before. School is ebil. Das ist nicht gut! Bleah. Anyway…

Chapter 5 

"Meep!" Raoul said.

"Meep!" Gary said.

"Meep!" Jon said.

"Shut up!" Alanna said.

"Wow!" they all said. In front of them was a big door. Then they looked down. It was a small cat. The cat was black. The cat sat on a mat. He was called Flintoff. He was fat.

"Um, why are you talking like that?" Jon asked.

"I don't know. Now stop TALKING to me! I'm not here, got it?" I replied.

"Narrators!" Jon whined, throwing his hands up into the air.

"Urgh. Just follow the script already!" Alanna scolded him. Jon stuck out his bottom lip, but gazed at the cat in awe. Or, more like a terrible impression of looking awed.

Suddenly…

End of chapter! Come back for instalment 6… No, of course I'm joking! 

The cat glowed.

"Shush!" Raoul said. "I think he's trying to say something!" The Flinty opened his mouth, then spat out a hairball.

"Gross!" Alanna mumbled.

"Seriously, wait!" Raoul said again.

"Meeeoow!" the cat said. Jon looked confused.

"Heh?" he asked.

"Ugh. Foolish, stupid, unbearable, imbecilic…"

"We get the picture! Just help!" Jon screeched at me.

"Oh be quiet. If you really must know, he said that if you go near him he will chew you to pieces," I told him.

"Oh, what a lovely, polite cat," Jon said sarcastically.

"Hey, stop trying to steal the story! We're here too you know!" Raoul said, shoving Jon out of the way.

"Meep!" Jon screeched. I shook my head.

"Children?" I called. A shoving war broke out.

"I said, LISTEN!" I shrieked. Then they listened. "Listen up, oh people with the attention span of GNATS! Get in there, or I'll have to cut the story short. Time is money!"

After all the explaining was done, they debated on what to do.

"Here, pussy cat!" Gary tried.

"Sissy," Jon said.

"Go away, fatty!" Gary shrieked.

"Who are you calling fat, fatty? Huh? Fatty fatty, you're a fa-"

"Shut up, fatty. Your hair is terrible too!"

"Do not insult the wonderful HAIR! Look at yours, greenie boy!" Jon shrieked.

"Immature weirdoes," Alanna muttered. She offered the fat cat some food. The cat came and wolfed down the food. They all sneaked inside while Gary ran back to the palace crying. Jon followed a minute later, smiling, showing a full feeling of superiority.

"Sissies," Alanna grumbled.

"Hey! It takes one to know one, you are a g-"

"Jonathan of Conte, SHUT UP!" Alanna screeched, turning red and hitting him.

"Meh," he said. Raoul stood watching, thinking the whole time about the crazy people he knew.

"What's that?" Jon asked, pointing to an object in the corner.

"It's the washy-stuff the llama goddess told us about!" Raoul told him. Jon beamed.

"I'm a clever prince, aren't I Lanna and Raouly-poo?"

"What did you just call us?" Raoul asked. Jon shook his head and grinned. Alanna groaned.

"Here we go again…"

_Yay! More soon, promise!_


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Helllooo! Sorry, but I'm bored and it's about half past twelve at night, so what the hell. I just watched Kill Bill volume two, though I think volume one is better. There's so much more blood! Though in 2 she does rip Elle's eye out, hmm… Oh, and isn't the five point palm exploding heart technique so cool? Pai Mai is so cool too! Ahem, think I'll start writing now afore I fall asleep at the computer. Anyhoozle…

Chapter 6 

"Wait, Jon, why did you just call Alana 'Lanna'?" Raoul asked suspiciously.

"I don't know Raouly-Poo!" Jon replied. Raoul shook his head.

"Guys, can we just all shut up and get this over with?" Alanna asked. She pushed Raoul over to the massive tub of Magic Scrubby Bubbles TM.

"Eww, I'm soaked now!" Raoul moaned.

"Shut it, pansy!" Alanna said.

"Hmph," Raoul retorted, folding his arms.

"Scrub! Now!" Alanna ordered.

"Ahem, I'm in this story too!" Jon grumbled.

"Yes, we know Jon. Just stick to the script already! I'm trying to watch LOTR! If you don't shut up and finish this thing I'll miss it!" I complained.

"Hey, what's LOTR?" they asked in unison, staring at me with a dazed/confused look on their faces. Alanna then turned back to scrubbing Raoul, who screamed like a sissy.

"Uh, don't call me sissy, sissy!" Raoul told me with a glare.

"Stop COPYING me, pansy!" Jon shrieked.

"Boys? BOYS! SHUT UP!" I yelled. Jon raised his eyebrows at me.

"You shout loud!" he told me.

"I know," I replied.

"No you didn't!" I said, glaring. "Don't leave. Mr Frodo! It's me Sam!"

"Who's Sam? Who's Frodo?" Raoul asked.

"Never mind and shut up!" I said.

"No, this is a fun conversation!" they protested.

"Fine! But not much longer. Give me the ring, Sam. Give me the ring."

"Who IS this Sam?" Alanna asked curiously.

"He's from LOTR."

"Where's LOTR? Is it in Tusaine?" Jon asked.

"No! It's the name of a film…uh, a book I mean."

"Oh. What are films?" Raoul asked.

"They aren't invented yet, Raouly-Poo," I said, smiling as though I was a genius. Because I was.

"Sam and Frodo are sooo gay. Anyway…"

"What's gay?" Jon asked. "Why are they happy? I'm sure lots of people are gay…"

"Oh be quiet you uneducated royal person. Wait a second, I'm insulting the heir to the Tortallan throne here…"

"Yes, you are!" Jon agreed, nodding furiously.

"Wait, I'm a goddess. So I'm more powerful than you. So HA!" I said, sticking out my tongue at him. Jon grumbled something about egotistical goddesses.

"You do realise that I am writing to you to make this longer?" I asked them all.

"Yes," they said in unison.

"I think all the hobbits are gay. Pippin, Merry, Sam and Frodo are sooo gay,"

"Yes, but WHY are these people so happy?" Jon asked.

"Ugh," I grumbled. "Gay means, let me see… What Alex of Tirragen is,"

"Ohhh, a good fencer? So, like, Alan is, like, gay?" Jon asked.

"No, you dimwit! Oh, I give up, you retarded…"

"Hey, stop calling me…whatever that word was. What does the word stupid mean?" he asked.

"It means Jonathan of Conte. Now shut up!"

"What does shut up mean?"

"It MEANS close your mouth!" I said, nearing the end of my patience- which, for your information, is about I millimetre long.

"Wow, this is nearly three pages long!" I said. "I've never written three pages before…"

"Meh. Maybe we should, like, carry on with the plot now?" Raoul asked.

"Good idea," I said. "But that's next chapter, bye!"

They all groaned. This was going to be a long wait for Raoul in the Magic Scrubby Bubbles TM!


	7. Chapter 7

Note: Sorry, this is going to be short beyond belief, just trying to write this up, then I can write longer stuff!

Chapter 7 

I appeared again, with my full, amazing personality. I am, after all, a pink squishy, holographic, colour-changing llama-mage goddess!

"Oh, mortals. How goes it?" I asked, pulling off my sunglasses.

"Um, what ARE what are you wearing?" Alanna inquired. "Those clothes are…"

"Cool? Yeah, I know. Aren't they just the bomb?"

"Uh, why are you talking like that?" she asked.

" Ugh, mortals. Endless questions, never satisfied with the answers…" I grumbled.

"Uh yeah. Well, Raoul is still soaking in the bubbles…"

"Ah yes, the Magic Scrubby Bubbles ™. Yes, well, she isn't allowed to move for a while. It is very potent, but takes a while to come into effect." Suddenly, Raoul ran out of the room he was soaking in.

"EEP!" I shrieked. "Raoul!" He knelt at my feet and bowed.

"I shall worship you, your Loveliness! You are holy and radiate the fairest beauty!"

"Uhh, right, thanks. But get back in those bubbles, now! We can see, uh, more than we should!"

"Yes, your Amazingness!" he said, bowed, and ran back inside.

"Phew," I said with a sigh, "though I was starting to like the worshipping thing…Maybe I should visit you mortals more often!" I thought aloud to myself, resting my chin on my hand.

"Right, what are we meant to do now while he's playing 'boat'?" Jon asked. Singing and happy shrieks of "Arr, me hearties!" drifted out of the door, along with snatches of sea shanties.

"I have some ideas…" I said slyly.


	8. Chapter 8

Note: Wow, I didn't write for a LONG time! I totally forgot the story existed! Oh well, I'm back, come with the sole purpose of torturing you all some more. Oh, and Moulin Rouge ROCKS! Watch it or die :P Oh, and I finally finished the Immortals. Yay for Numy, who is oh-so-pretty! Enjoy, if you dare!  OH yes, and I have a recent obsession with the word "Nary" incase you can't tell by the end of the chapter  Oh yeah, and I'm totally obsessed with Moulin Rouge, have watched it at least 50 times literally since Friday evening. Erin, this is all your fault :P On the subject of obsessions: I love True Star Gold by Tommy Hilfiger! Woooo!

Disclaimer: I own the Magic Scrubby Bubbles ™ and the Llama Goddess. Nary else.

Chapter 8 

As an afternoon of stink-bombing the king, pretending to be Myles's conscience and making ghostly images appear to anyone unfortunate enough to pass them, Jon, Alanna and the llama goddess returned to the sacred room of Magic Scrubby Bubbles ™, singing the "Nary" song taught to them by the goddess, who was taught by Mithros, who was taught by the Great Mother Goddess, who was taught by Gainel, and so forth. Anyway, the really important thing was that Raoul was still soaking in the bubbles. The problem being that when they returned Raoul was frozen solid in a block of ice, the picture of a frozen caveman.

"He had it comin', he had it comin', he only had himself to blame…" the Llama Goddess sang as she danced round the room. Jon raised his eyebrows.

"As I recall, you MADE him go in there…" He trailed off when she shot him a warning glare.

"Whatever. Let's unthaw him," the goddess said, waving her hand in the air.

"I don't know. He's better like that, for example: he can't talk…" Alanna reasoned.

"She has a point, you know," Jon agreed.

"No WAY am I leaving HIM a block of ice," the goddess told them haughtily, momentarily going into a trance. "Besides, then who'll take over the King's Own when you're king, eh Jon?" she asked.

"Wha?…"

"Ooops, shouldn't've said that…"

The goddess lifted the Raoul-cube onto the floor, with great difficulty.

"He really IS heavy…" she muttered.

Jon and Alanna mumbled together in agreement. Suddenly an unconscious Argentinean fell through the roof, and was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a priestess of the temple of the Great Mother Goddess (Sorry, I really AM that obsessed with Moulin Rouge  ) and explained that the Argentinean had a sickness called Narcolepsy.

"Wrong movie," the goddess said, sending them to the set of Moulin Rouge. She turned around and promptly bashed her head off a nearby camera. The ensuing string of curses made even Alanna wince.

When the goddess was calm again, she unfroze the Raoul-icicle.

"Is there anything we can do to repay you for your help?" Jon asked. The goddess smiled, a strange expression on her face, then snapped out of it.

"Uh, right, uh, yeah…" she babbled. Alanna sniggered. "Shut up! Um…" she trailed off. The lights went out and a swing appeared in the middle of the room. The goddess perched on it and babbled happily like a three-year-old on a swing at the local park for the first time. She snapped back to reality, and began to sing…

"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend…"

This continued until the song finished. The goddess hopped off of the swing, into Jon's arms.

"Diamonds, then, I take it?" he asked.

"Well, yeah. But…" she said kissing his cheek.

"Off him! He's MINE!" I shrieked.

"Um, excuse me, we're the same person, duh…" the goddess told the seething narrator.

"Oh yeah…" I muttered. "Right."

_Note: Isn't this WONDERFUL! Excuse the Moulin Rouge stuff, current obsession, so THANKS ERIN:P Now review!_


	9. Chapter 9

Note: I decided two days ago, when I wrote this, that this would be the last chapter. I'm wondering if I should do a sequel…

Chapter 9/Epilogue 

"The Phaaaaaaaantom of the opera is there inside your miiiiiind…" sang Raoul. Jon, Alanna and the Llama Goddess groaned and stuck their fingers into their ears.

"Stop!" the goddess shrieked. Raoul pouted, but was quiet. Jon and Alanna sighed with relief.

"Thanks," Jon said.

"Oh, no problem. I just wanted to do a duet with Raoul," the goddess told him happily. Jon and Alanna groaned again and Raoul smiled. The goddess and Raoul launched into loud verses of Phantom of the Opera. When they'd finished Jon and Alanna sighed again.

"Are you two going to do anything but sigh and groan?" Raoul asked. Jon sneezed. "Oh, right, Jon." Raoul and the goddess launched into rounds of random songs from musicals and movies.

"Stop!" Jon shouted. The goddess turned to face him and shut up immediately. She was too busy trying not to faint to sing. Raoul meanwhile skipped around, singing 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty…' .Jon raised his eyebrows first at Raoul, then at the swooning goddess in front of him.

"I like it here, I think I shall stay and live here," the goddess said, climbing into Jon's arms.

"Uh, okay…" he replied, looking bewildered.

"Yay! We get a pet goddess!" Raoul shrieked happily. The goddess glared at said knight.

"Go away," she commanded, sticking her tongue out at Raoul.

"Ooh, sorry, miss 'I'm a goddess so I get what I want'."

"Be nice Raoul," Jon told him. The goddess beamed at him and Raoul scowled. The goddess wrapped her arms around Jon's neck and kissed his cheeks.

"Eww…" Alanna muttered.

_Note: Okay! Finished! Review! Oh, and tell me if I should do the sequel. I have one chapter written, so tell me if I should post it or not! BYEEE!_


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